please come you make the beer taste better
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
