I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
