Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
