Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
