ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
