do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
