did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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