Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
