the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
