Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i now understand why vodka
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
