I feel like abortions should bother me more
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My bed smells like the plague
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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