I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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