I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
