So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
