Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
