I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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