i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
