My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
