Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
