I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
