Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
