Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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