Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
