marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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