don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
