This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
