i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
