I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
