He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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