First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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