I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
