how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
