She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
