i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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