why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
