I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
