There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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