I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.