I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
