What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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