I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
