Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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