how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
