Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
