she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
