I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
