Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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