a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
