i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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