There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
