I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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