I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
