The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
There's a naked man in my car right now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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