god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
