Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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