So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
