I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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