Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
