I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
