Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
