Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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