so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
