We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize